I’m going to Arizona in 2 weeks.
My hands are shaking and I don’t know if I can go to work. I want to stop crying but I don’t know how. What’s the fucking point of anything right now. The one fucking person in my life that I wanted to do good for and make something of myself isn’t here anymore so what am I even doing with anything right now.
Honestly I wanna lay in your arms and just cry. I want you to hold. I miss you so fucking much. I don’t know how to do anything anymore without considering you now. I don’t know and im sorry I became so dependent on you. I’m sorry. You were nothing but amazing to me. I’m so fucking sorry for hurting you.
This morning is the first time I’ve cried about it. Broke completely down in front of my mom. I got yelled at. I wanted to tell her everything because I don’t fucking know who to go now. I’m for fucking sure my friends don’t want to be bothered with this shit, fuck one of my friends isn’t even talking to me right now. I’m so used to having you by my side and literally help me through everything I forgot to do things on my own. Sorry for being this fucked up person. I’m sorry for hurting you. Youre right every person has the choice to leave, you’re not wrong for leaving I’m quite happy for you actually. You don’t have to worry about me no more. I miss you though. So fucking much, sorry I couldn’t answer your calls last night. I’m sorry for not being who I wanted to be for you. I’m sorry for making those mistakes im sorry for ever coming into your life. You know what’s funny, when I tried talking to my mom she straight up told me that she doesn’t know why youre even with me. She talked about you so highly, I told you she never hated you. She knew you were good for me she knew I made better decisions because of you. She said you are so dedicated in your work, she said why are with a person like me. She says your family wouldn’t want their daughter with someone like me. It hurts. It hurts when that comes from ny own mother, but she talked so highly of you so im glad because of that. She says that she knows your my happiness she knows that, she sees it in my eyes when I talk about you. She asked why I never moved out to the city with you, she asked when we were going to Disney. I jus started crying more and I started shaking and I couldn’t stop and I got yelled at for getting that vulnerable. She doesn’t know what’s happening with us now. It sucks. Life sucks. Love sucks. I suck. I’m sorry. I’m sorry to everyone who has to scroll pass this. I’m sorry. I promised myself I wouldn’t breakdown in front of people no more. Why bother anyone with my problems im sorry.
What if you wake up one morning and you’re in bed with the love of your life and they have their arm around you and their snoring like a fucking ass hole, but you can’t help but to smile and you hear a baby crying and it finally hits you, you’ve made it.
you beat the demons inside you, the voices, the darkness.
I look forward to that, to knowing I made it.
this deserve so many notes
don’t shit on people for having self confidence and being happy with their appearance like how bitter are you
Eliezer Yudkowsky (via rampias)
Being a “product of their times” is no excuse. Never let someone off the hook for bigotry.(via callingoutbigotry)
- Camus, Albert. The Plague. (via wordsnquotes)
dont ask me for relationship advice because i will always just tell you to break up w/ them and throw their shit in a dumpster because i do not understand the concept of allowing anyone to treat you poorly this is a zero tolerance zone